If I Had it to Do All Over Again: Do's and Don'ts for the Start of your Journey

Erica Desper

If I Had Our Journey to Do All Over Again, Here is What I Would Tell Myself at the Start...


I am writing this 13 years into my parenting journey and 8 years after I first voiced concern about my son to his teacher in 1st grade. Long, agonizing story short, he was passed on year after year as “too young” and “fine” and “not a behavior problem”. The school evaluations we did manage to secure found nothing aside from some executive functioning deficits that “didn’t require specialized education”. 

Fast forward to 8th grade: he was failing and several independent evaluations determined my son had the following slew of diagnoses:

Autism Level 2
ADHD 
Anxiety
Auditory Processing Disorder
OCD
Dyscalculia (Specific Learning Disability in Math)
Dysgraphia (Developmental Coordination Disorder/DCD) 
Pragmatic Language Deficit
Sensory Processing Disorder
Social Anxiety Communication Disorder
Visual Processing Disorders

While I did the best I could with who I was and what I knew at the time, I did it all “wrong”. I struggle with immense guilt, frustration and regrets. I was trusting and quiet. I allowed others to make me second guess myself. I am choosing to channel all of those feelings into my mission to help other parents and children avoid a similar prolonged journey by bringing you the information and resources you need to do it better and from the start. If I had the journey to do all over again, here is a short list of the most critical things I would tell myself at the start…

Do Trust Your Gut
When my son had to be pried from my body every morning for all of his preschool years, I suspected something was up. Shouldn’t he have adjusted by now? When he couldn’t form his letters correctly, despite loads of practice, when numbers didn’t seem to make sense to him, when he would forget a concept from problem to problem, I knew something was up. I can’t even count the number of friends, family members and professionals who told me I was “just looking for things that were wrong” or “just being a nervous first time mom” or that he was “just giving me a hard time.” My gut knew that he was HAVING a hard time and guess what? I was right, all along. Trust your gut and don’t let anyone make you question it.

Don’t Rely On the District to Guide You
We took advantage of every teacher conference and always brought our concerns to those meetings. No one ever once said, “You can/should/could request an evaluation.” No one even said “I agree you should look into this.” He was good and quiet and smart and could rely on his strengths to get through each day, falling apart as soon as he walked out the door. When I was told by the team that he only needed a 504 and accommodations, I didn’t question it. I mean, they are the experts, right? It’s their duty by law to adequately assess and support every student, correct? Yes, it is. Unfortunately, it is also in their best interests to follow the letter of the law and not offer, suggest or give more than a parent asks for. Educate yourself about what is available and adequate for your child (or seek out someone who knows) and ask for those things explicitly and adamantly. 

Do Be the Squeaky Wheel
Explicit and adamant are not always enough. Unfortunately, special education resources are like a pie and there are far more children who need pie than there are pieces to dole out. If you are concerned about being “nice”, not rocking the boat, about being a bother or annoying, or about creating a contentious situation, your child may not get what they need. Be as loud as it takes, as often as you need to be and for as long as it takes. The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Don’t Wait and See. EVER. 
I fell hard for the “it’s so early” and “he’s too young” and “we don’t do that here” jargon. While it’s never too late to address deficits and learn new skills, earlier is ALWAYS better in terms of how long it will take and how much effort it will require for your child. Wait and see is code for “I want to pass this scenario down the line”, among other things. 

Do Write Everything Down AND Keep/Organize It
One of my biggest regrets in discussing all of these concerns those first few years verbally and with my son’s teachers. I have zero proof that I ever expressed my concerns to anyone or that they didn’t do anything about those concerns. I’ve spent hours searching for report cards, test results, email correspondence and more. From day one of your gut being triggered, start a chronological log (use a Google doc for example) with entries by date, the most recent being at the top. At minimum, create a file folder in your email account and move all correspondence on this issue to that file. Any concern you want to express, any evaluation or support you want to request, put it in writing with the date and send it to both the teacher and appropriate administrator (email will suffice). 

Don’t Accept “We Don’t Do That Here” As An Answer
If you are told, in response to a request, that “we don’t do that here”, ask them to show you the law in writing. For example, when I asked to record our IEP meeting (which is permissible by law in Pa) I was told I could not. When asked why, the Supervisor of Special Education replied “we don’t do that here.” When my advocate presented her with the law stating that I could she replied, “Well, yes, but we just usually don’t.” Ummm “We prefer not to” is not the same as “by law we do not have to or you are not permitted to.” 

Do Find (& Bring) Your People
I fought SO hard for SO long and, toward the end, I meant business. I created slideshows with data to bring to the meetings. I wrote novels in advance of meetings. I researched signs and symptoms and correlated those with his data. And so on. I got absolutely nowhere until I nearly broke and brought in an advocate. It was then and only then that they truly started listening and put the wheels in motion. I often wonder how our journey would be different had I brought her on from the start or anywhere along the way. We are fortunate in our area to have many excellent private advocates, ones who offer a sliding scale and non-profits who may help advocate at no cost to your family. Even if you simply bring a friend or family member to the table as an extra pair of ears or to take notes, you will be better off. They may have seven people on their side of the in-person or virtual table. That can feel incredibly intimidating when you are the only one on yours. You weren’t meant to parent alone and this journey adds a whole new layer to needing a village. Your friends may never have been in your position of having a child with special needs or having to fight to get them what they need. Find and surround yourself with those who do.

Speaking of needing a village, we’ve got you and, now, you’ve got us. Wherever you are on this journey, learn more about many ways and places, both virtually and in-person, you can connect with experts and parents “who get it” on our Find Your Community page and our Events calendar. 

Find Your Community View Upcoming Local Events Chat With an Advocate

Erica Desper is the Founder of Confident Parenting, which was born in 2011 out of her own challenging entry into parenting and the lack of a village of support to help her navigate it. 


Many years later, after navigating a new struggle to get diagnoses and school supports for her son, she founded the Confident Parenting Collective, a resource to help local families access information and connect with parent recommended providers with availability. Learn more about Erica's mission here.




By Dr. Brianna Matey April 9, 2026
This guest blog from Open Minds Psychological i s designed to help you understand when psychological testing may be helpful, what a quality evaluation actually looks like, and how to move forward with confidence. If you’re ready for clarity not guesswork, a comprehensive psychological evaluation with Open Minds Psychological can help you understand what’s been making things harder and what might actually help next. If you’ve been asking yourself this question quietly or for years you’re not alone. Many adults and parents come to this point after trying therapy, medication, or quick screenings that didn’t quite explain what’s going on. You may function well on the outside, yet feel like daily life takes more effort than it should. Wondering whether you need a psychological evaluation isn’t overreacting. It’s often a sign that something deserves clearer attention. This guide is here to help you understand when psychological testing may be helpful, what a quality evaluation actually looks like, and how to move forward with confidence. What Is a Psychological Evaluation? A psychological evaluation is a comprehensive assessment conducted by a licensed psychologist to understand how someone thinks, feels, learns, and functions. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), psychological assessments use standardized tools and clinical observation to help arrive at diagnoses and guide treatment planning. It combines clinical interviews, standardized testing, and professional judgment to provide diagnostic clarity and meaningful recommendations. This process goes far beyond a short questionnaire or intake visit. A thorough evaluation is designed to answer why certain challenges exist, not just name them. Mini-FAQs Is a psychological evaluation the same as therapy? No. Therapy focuses on treatment and support, while evaluations focus on assessment and diagnosis. Who conducts a psychological evaluation? Licensed psychologists with specialized training in psychological assessment. Why People Seek Psychological Testing (And Why It’s Often Delayed) Many people seek psychological testing after years of feeling misunderstood, misdiagnosed, or stuck in cycles of treatment that don’t fully help. Research published through the National Institutes of Health notes that psychological assessment plays a key role in understanding individual cognitive, emotional, and behavioral functioning beyond surface-level symptoms. Evaluations are often delayed due to access issues, insurance confusion, long waitlists, or being told symptoms are “just anxiety” or “stress.” In practice, I often see adults who spent years in therapy working hard yet still sensing that something fundamental was being missed. This aligns with broader research showing that adults with ADHD or learning differences are frequently underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed without formal evaluation. Parents frequently describe being reassured that their child would “outgrow” concerns, only to watch those struggles intensify over time. Key Takeaways Long wait times and understaffed systems are common Symptoms are frequently misattributed or minimized Many people try therapy first without getting diagnostic clarity Mini-FAQs Is it common to wait years for testing? Unfortunately, yes especially for adults. Can testing still help if I’ve already been in therapy? Often, yes. Testing can clarify what therapy alone couldn’t. Ready for clarity now? If you’re already wondering whether testing could help, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Ready for Clarity Now? Start here: Request a Psychological Evaluation or Consultation Read the Complete Psychological Evaluation Guide 5 Signs It May Be Time for a Psychological Evaluation If symptoms persist, feel confusing or overlapping, or continue to interfere with daily life despite treatment, a psychological evaluation can help clarify what’s really going on. Population studies estimate adult ADHD prevalence at approximately 3–5%, yet diagnosis rates remain significantly lower, highlighting how often these conditions go unrecognized without thorough assessment. 1. Therapy or Medication Hasn’t Fully Helped You may have gained insight or coping tools yet something still feels unresolved. This doesn’t mean therapy failed. It may mean that a clearer understanding of underlying factors is needed. 2. You’ve Received Conflicting or Unclear Diagnoses Many adults describe being told they have anxiety, depression, trauma, or ADHD at different points without a clear explanation of how these fit together. Testing helps sort out overlapping symptoms. 3. Your Difficulties Have Been Present Since Childhood Longstanding challenges with attention, learning, emotional regulation, or organization often point to neurodevelopmental patterns that deserve closer evaluation. 4. Daily Functioning Feels Harder Than It Should If work, relationships, or school require constant overexertion just to keep up, that struggle matters even if others don’t see it. 5. You Want Clear Answers, Not More Guessing Many clients describe relief not fear after testing. Having an explanation can reduce self-blame and help guide more effective next steps. Mini-FAQs Do I need all five signs? No. Even one or two may be enough. Can adults be evaluated for ADHD or learning differences? Yes. Adult evaluations are common and often life-changing. Does This Sound Familiar? Many people reach this point in the article and realize they’ve been carrying unanswered questions for years. If you want a clearer picture of what evaluation actually involves — or how it applies to adults, children, or school‑related concerns — these resources can help: Step‑by‑Step Psychological Evaluation Guide School Psychological Evaluations After a Crisis What Happens During a Comprehensive Psychological Evaluation A quality psychological evaluation includes a detailed intake, standardized testing, careful interpretation, and a written report with clear recommendations. Evidence-based assessment guidelines emphasize the importance of combining clinical interviews with standardized rating scales and multiple data sources to improve diagnostic accuracy. The process should feel thorough, respectful, and collaborative and never rushed. What the Process Usually Includes In-depth clinical interview and history Standardized testing sessions Scoring, analysis, and diagnostic formulation Detailed written report Feedback session to review results and next steps Key Takeaways Testing should allow adequate time Reports should be clear, accurate, and usable Follow-up and explanation are essential Mini-FAQs How long does testing take? Often several hours across multiple sessions. Will someone explain my results to me? You should always receive a feedback session. Psychological Testing vs Therapy: What’s the Difference? Therapy focuses on treatment and coping, while psychological testing focuses on assessment and diagnostic clarity. Clinical literature consistently distinguishes assessment as a foundational step that can meaningfully inform treatment direction and outcomes. Many people benefit from both just at different stages. Therapy Focuses on support and treatment Ongoing sessions Helps manage symptoms Psychological Evaluation Focuses on assessment and diagnosis Time-limited process Explains why symptoms exist Mini-FAQs Should I start with therapy or testing? It depends on your goals and history. Can testing improve therapy outcomes? Often, yes significantly. What Happens After Testing? Understanding Results and Next Steps After testing, you should receive a clear explanation of findings, a written summary, and guidance on treatment options, accommodations, or supports. Good evaluations don’t leave you guessing. Many clients describe a sense of relief after testing finally understanding why certain things have always felt harder. Mini-FAQs Will testing guarantee medication? No. Medication decisions depend on many factors. Can results help with work or school accommodations? Sometimes, yes. How to Get a Psychological Evaluation Without Feeling Overwhelmed The best way to start is by contacting a qualified practice , asking clear questions about process, timeline, and cost, and choosing a provider who values communication and thoroughness. Helpful Questions to Ask How long is the wait? What does the evaluation include? Will I receive a full written report? Do you offer telehealth options? Mini-FAQs Do I need a referral? Sometimes, but not always. Is telehealth testing an option? Often, yes depending on the evaluation. Thinking About Next Steps? If this article helped you recognize your own experience — or your child’s — the next step doesn’t have to be overwhelming. You can: Request an Evaluation or Initial Consultation Explore the Full Psychological Evaluation Process Final Thoughts: If You’ve Been Wondering, That Question Matters Wondering whether you need a psychological evaluation is often a sign that something deserves closer attention. Wanting clarity is not a failure, it’s an act of self-understanding. If you’re ready for answers that feel thorough, validating, and useful, a comprehensive evaluation can be an important next step. FAQ How do I know if I really need psychological testing? If symptoms persist despite therapy, feel confusing or overlapping, or interfere with daily life, testing can help clarify what’s going on and guide more effective next steps. Is a psychological evaluation worth the cost? Many people find that clarity saves time, money, and emotional strain in the long run by reducing trial-and-error treatment. Can I get evaluated as an adult? Yes. Adult evaluations for ADHD, learning differences, and mental health concerns are common and valid. What if my insurance doesn’t cover testing? We will review costs up front and or documentation for reimbursement by your insurer if applicable. We will review the costs up front. Will testing label me permanently? A diagnosis is a tool for understanding, not a definition of who you are. Getting Clear, Supportive Answers If you’re ready for clarity not guesswork, a comprehensive psychological evaluation can help you understand what’s been making things harder and what might actually help next. Take the next step today: Schedule a consultation to learn whether a psychological evaluation is right for you, what the process would look like, and how to move forward with confidence.
By InStride Health March 31, 2026
Thank you to InStride Health for this guest post! For many kids and teens, the end of a school break doesn’t just mean earlier alarms and the return of classes and homework. It can bring a surge of anxiety, dread, and “what if” thoughts that feel overwhelming. For students with anxiety or OCD, the return to school can reactivate worries that felt quieter during time off about things like performance, social situations, health, routines, and/or being away from home. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and more importantly, your child isn’t doing anything wrong. Why the Transition Back Feels So Hard For some kids, the loss of structure and predictability during school breaks can actually make anxiety or OCD feel more intense. But for many others, school breaks feel like a welcome pause where pressure drops. There may be fewer deadlines, more flexibility in routines, and less exposure to situations that trigger anxiety or OCD. When school starts again, all of those demands come back at once. Anxiety tends to latch onto transitions. It thrives on uncertainty and change, and the return to school is full of both. For kids with a history of school avoidance, this transition can feel particularly difficult. Thoughts like “What if I can’t handle it?” “What if I mess up?” or “What if something bad happens at school?” can feel urgent and convincing. Anxiety or OCD may ramp up urges to check, avoid, seek reassurance, or mentally review everything that could go wrong. The (understandable) instinct for many parents is to try to reduce this discomfort as much as possible, often by helping their child avoid the situations causing distress. That response comes from care and protection; the challenge is that avoiding school or other situations that provoke anxiety teaches the brain that it really is dangerous or unmanageable. At InStride Health, we focus on a different message. Anxiety Is Uncomfortable, Not Unsafe InStride’s model is built around helping young people learn that they can experience anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or distress and still move forward. The goal is not to eliminate anxious thoughts or feelings before returning to school. Instead, it’s to help young people build confidence in their ability to handle discomfort when it shows up. Rather than asking, “How do we make anxiety go away?” we ask, “How do we help your child live their full life even when anxiety or OCD is along for the ride?” This shift matters, especially during school transitions. When kids learn that nervous feelings and intrusive thoughts are tolerable and temporary, school stops feeling like something they must escape and starts feeling like something they can practice handling. What Support Can Look Like at Home Gently normalize what your child is feeling. A s school approaches, it can help to name and validate what your child is experiencing. Saying things like, “It makes sense that your anxiety (or OCD) is louder right now because your brain isn’t used to this routine anymore,” or “I get why you feel an urge to check your backpack again; transitions make uncertainty feel bigger,” can reduce shame and pressure. Limit giving excessive reassurance. Avoid repeatedly promising that everything will be okay. While reassurance can feel comforting in the moment, over time it can keep anxiety and OCD in charge. Set compassionate boundaries around reassurance-seeking. If your child continues to seek certainty, you can gently set a boundary by saying, “I’m not going to answer that. I’m not ignoring you; I’m ignoring your anxiety.” Focus on effort and willingness. Praise small steps, such as packing a backpack or showing up even when anxious. Build familiarity with the school environment ahead of time. If anxiety about the return is particularly high, practicing driving to the school or walking around the building a few days in advance can help the transition feel more familiar. Re-establish consistent routines before school starts. Gradually shifting back sleep schedules, meal times, and morning routines can reduce the shock to the system when school begins. How InStride Providers Help During the Back to School Transition At InStride, therapists and exposure coaches work closely with kids, teens, and families to prepare for the return to school in a supportive, structured way. Because school avoidance tends to snowball, we prioritize re-entry and getting back into the building and then weave in exposures to specific fears in small, doable steps. For one student, that might mean practicing sitting with uncertainty about a test grade. For another, it might involve tolerating the feeling that their desk is “contaminated” without washing their hands immediately. The focus is always on building – not forcing – bravery or pushing too fast. We also help kids connect these challenges to what matters to them. Whether it’s friendships, learning, independence, or future goals, values provide motivation when anxiety or OCD is loud. When a young person understands why showing up to school matters to them personally, it becomes easier to keep going even on hard days. Moving Forward One Day at a Time The return to school after break doesn’t have to feel perfect to be successful. Anxiety may spike, OCD rituals may resurface, and tough mornings may happen. Progress is measured by willingness, not comfort.
By Erica Desper March 23, 2026
Explore the PEERS® Program for Middle and High School Students The PEERS® program at Hill Top Preparatory School is a supplemental, evidence-based social skills program designed to empower adolescents and young adults with diverse learning profiles, including Autism, ADHD, anxiety, and other socio-emotional challenges. Developed at UCLA by Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson, this world-renowned program focuses on helping participants achieve success in school, work, and life by equipping them with the social tools needed to thrive. PEERS® for Adolescents is ideal for motivated middle and high school students eager to enhance their social skills, resolve conflicts, and establish lasting friendships. Is PEERS® Right for Your Teen? Participants will develop essential skills to: Build and maintain meaningful friendships Start and sustain conversations Navigate electronic communication Use humor in social interactions Organize social get-togethers Be a good sport in competitive settings Manage disagreements and conflicts Improve social reputation Handle teasing and bullying effectively Program Details This program is designed for students who: Face challenges in making or keeping friends Are interested in developing their social skills Are willing to participate fully in the program Can attend consistently for the full duration Have a supportive parent/guardian willing to engage in the sessions Duration: 14 weeks of 90-minute sessions held once a week in the evening. Structure: Social skills are taught through engaging lessons, role-playing, and real-time socialization practice. Parent Involvement: Concurrent parent/guardian sessions focus on strategies to support their teen’s progress at home. Active parent participation is essential for maximizing the program's impact. Scholarships: There are a limited number of scholarships available for qualified students. Healthy relationships are the foundation of a happy and successful life. This group is designed to empower young adults with the skills they need to create meaningful connections with friends, family, coworkers, and romantic partners. Participants will learn how to communicate effectively, build trust, and foster deeper intimacy in all their relationships. Explore PEERS® Program for College Students & Young Adults In PEERS® for Young Adults, the following skills will be learned and expanded on: Development and maintenance of friendships Improve conversational skills Navigate entering & exiting conversations Use humor appropriately Communicate electronically Improve dating skills Organize social gatherings Handle direct and indirect bullying Manage disagreements effectively Handle dating pressure with confidence Interested? Take the next step today!
By Dr. Brianna Matey March 3, 2026
This guest blog from Open Minds Psychological e xplains why schools request mental health evaluations after a behavioral or psychiatric crisis and how families can access fast, trauma-informed, school-compliant assessments. Based in Pennsylvania, Open Minds offers 48-hour turnaround times and specializes in school-ready documentation that helps students return to class safely and with support. When the School Says Your Child Needs a Mental Health Evaluation If you’ve received a call or letter from your child’s school saying they can’t return until they’ve had a psychological evaluation, you’re likely feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and unsure of what to do next. You’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong. These situations are incredibly stressful, especially when you’re navigating them without a roadmap. At Open Minds Psychological, we specialize in trauma-informed, school-compliant assessments. Let’s walk through why schools make this request, what it means for your child, and what steps you can take to get the support you need, fast. As a team of clinicians who’ve worked with hundreds of children and teens in crisis, we understand both the urgency and the emotion behind school-required evaluations. Many of us are parents ourselves—and all of us believe that a child’s future should never be defined by their hardest moment. “I was afraid my child would be labeled forever. But instead, she felt seen. The clinician actually listened—and the school finally had a plan that made sense.” – Parent, Bucks County According to the American Psychological Association, early re-entry planning after hospitalization significantly reduces school refusal and emotional relapse in students. Ready to get help now? If your school has asked for an evaluation and you’re unsure what to do next, schedule a consultation with Open Minds Psychological today to get clear, expert guidance. Why Schools Request a Psychological Evaluation The Role of Schools in Student Safety Schools have a legal and ethical responsibility to ensure a safe learning environment. When a student experiences a behavioral or emotional crisis—whether that’s a panic attack, aggressive outburst, self-harming comment, or hospitalization—the school may request an evaluation to understand whether it’s safe for the student to return and how best to support them. Q: Why did the school say my child needs a psychological evaluation? A: They’re making sure it’s safe for your child to return and want expert guidance on how to support them. Common Triggers Psychiatric hospitalization or ER visit Suspensions involving threats or aggression Major changes in behavior or emotional state Self-harm or suicidal ideation reported at school Legal & Liability Factors Schools may also be navigating state guidelines or district policies that require formal documentation from a licensed professional before readmitting a student after a behavioral or psychiatric crisis. What Is a High-Risk Psychological Assessment? A Focused, Trauma-Informed Evaluation Unlike standard psychological evaluations, a high-risk assessment is designed to evaluate immediate concerns about a student’s emotional and behavioral stability in a school setting. Q: What exactly is a high-risk psychological assessment? A: It’s a short-term, focused evaluation that checks if your child is ready to go back to school and what support they may need. evaluation that determines if a student is emotionally and behaviorally ready to return to school after a crisis. What It Includes Brief clinical interviews Behavior and risk screenings Review of medical/school documentation Feedback and written recommendations for school reintegration What It Doesn’t Do This isn’t a full diagnostic battery—it won’t label or pathologize your child. Instead, it aims to answer two questions: Is it safe for your child to return to school? What support will help them succeed when they do? Looking for ways to support your teen during this process? Explore our therapy for adolescents page to see how ongoing therapeutic support can help your child feel understood and regain confidence. How to Request a School-Compliant Evaluation: Step-by-Step Get the school’s referral or request in writing – This is usually an email or letter stating that an evaluation is needed. Contact a licensed child psychologist – Prioritize providers experienced in school settings and turnaround within 24–48 hours. Prepare documentation – Include hospital discharge notes, school communication, or prior evaluations. Attend the assessment appointment – Bring your child, and ensure time for both parent and child interviews. Submit the evaluation report to the school – The clinician will provide a formal letter with return-to-school recommendations. Additional Parent Questions (People Also Ask) Q: Can I use my own psychologist instead of the school’s? A: Yes, you can choose your own licensed provider—as long as their report meets the school’s requirements. Families have the right to choose their own licensed provider, as long as the evaluation meets school documentation standards. Q: What if the school pushes back on our evaluation? A: Ask them why—it’s often a formatting issue, and the clinician can usually revise it to fit their policy. to clarify their requirements. A clinician can often revise or supplement the report to meet district criteria. Q: How fast can we get this done? A: Open Minds can usually schedule and complete the full evaluation—including paperwork—within 48 hours., we typically complete high-risk evaluations within 48 hours—including written documentation for the school. Take the next step today: Schedule an appointment or call us to get your child on the path back to school. For a deeper, step-by-step walkthrough, visit our full Psychological Evaluation Guide.
By Erica Desper February 13, 2026
Where Can I Have My Child Evaluated for Autism, ADHD & Giftedness? If you have concerns about your child's development or learning, then you likely already know that many local providers have waitlists as long as 18-24 months for evaluations. As a parent who was once putting my child's name on those lists, I grew frustrated and made it my mission to collect parent recommended resources with minimal wait times who can help families get answers as early as possible. Here are many excellent options to consider.
By Nicole Tran, InStride Therapist February 5, 2026
Thank you to our friends at InStride Health for this guest post! At its core, perfectionism is the tendency to have very high standards for ourselves or others. Not all perfectionism is harmful. Research shows that some perfectionistic behaviors are useful and help young people reach meaningful goals. This adaptive form of striving pushes kids and teens to work hard, take pride in their efforts, and stay flexible when things don’t go exactly as planned. The trouble begins when perfectionism becomes driven by anxiety, guilt, fear of judgment, fear of failure, and shame. Often individuals engaging in problematic perfectionistic behaviors experience fixed thinking and unrealistic expectations. These internal pressures can be relentless and emotionally exhausting, fueling self-criticism, procrastination, and avoidance. And instead of helping kids grow, they slowly shrink the world they feel comfortable living in. Here are some ways problematic perfectionistic behaviors can show up in a young person’s life. School and the Pressure to Get Everything Exactly Right Academic settings are a breeding ground for problematic perfectionistic behaviors. A young person might feel a need for things to be done in a very specific way, redoing steps or checking their work repeatedly to relieve the discomfort of imperfection. Others may delay starting work because beginning feels risky, or finish a task and avoid turning it in because it isn’t perfect. Over time, school becomes less about learning and more about controlling outcomes. Social Life, People-Pleasing, and the Fear of Being Seen Imperfectly Social situations are another area where problematic perfectionistic behaviors can show up. Some young people might overthink what they say, rehearse conversations, or avoid certain social situations altogether. Others become chronic people-pleasers, feeling they need to always be agreeable or helpful. Fears of being judged, embarrassed, or perceived negatively can make them feel they must present a “perfect” version of themselves at all times. This limits friendships, prevents authentic connection, and makes everyday social interactions, like starting conversations, meeting new people, or speaking up, feel stressful. Hobbies, Creativity, and the Loss of Play Perfectionism doesn’t just affect academics or relationships; it can drain the joy out of hobbies and creative activities. Kids and teens may pull back from or even stop doing the things they love, like drawing, playing music or sports, participating in plays, or trying new things because they feel pressure to be the best. They are scared to even try out of fear that they won’t excel right away or become a star, and their world becomes less playful and curious and more fear-driven. Decision-Making and the Fear of Choosing Wrong Another place problematic perfectionistic behaviors show up is in decision-making. Buying gifts, picking out clothes, or deciding where to eat can start to feel overwhelming. Young people may spend so much time thinking through options and trying to find the “best” one that they freeze, avoid choosing, or hand decisions off to others. Avoidance becomes a way of staying “safe.” If they don’t choose, they can’t choose wrong. Unlearning Problematic Perfectionistic Behaviors Because problematic perfectionistic behaviors are learned, they can be unlearned, with the right evidence-based support and practice. At InStride Health, we help young people understand that targeting these behaviors in treatment isn’t about lowering expectations or giving up on values like hard work or trying their best. Instead, it’s about teaching them to notice and name these behaviors and associated thoughts and emotions and then choosing new, more flexible ways to respond. This work includes tolerating imperfections and uncertainty through exposures, engaging with thoughts more flexibly, and building genuine self-compassion. As perfectionism loosens its grip, young people can rediscover the confidence, curiosity, and freedom to try things without needing them to go perfectly. And their world expands again.
By Pat Bergemier March 5, 2025
6 Common Special Needs Planning Missteps & How to Avoid Them Guest Post by Pat Bergmaier, CFP®, ChSNC® Over the years, I’ve met many well-meaning, loving parents who mistakenly assume they’re “all set” when it comes to handling the unique financial needs of their child with special needs, only to find out later that they’ve missed a key step. It’s understandable, but these situations can often be avoided with some proper planning help. Here are some frequent planning missteps to be aware of that could impact the financial future of your child or family member with special needs.
By Erica Desper July 18, 2024
Thank you to Dr. David Danish, President and Psychiatrist at Philadelphia Integrative Psychiatry and Chris Smith, Board Certified Behavior Analyst and Licensed Behavior Specialist for answering this parent question.
By Erica Desper July 16, 2024
Join me in welcoming ABA Centers of Pennsylvania to Bala Cynwyd and Wayne/King of Prussia. They are smashing lengthy local waitlists for autism diagnosis and care, getting children 2-17 years in within 47 days of their initial contact and they work with most major insurances.